And so I reflect

I love old journals. In them is a treasure trove of the past, a hindsight you lust after,  an appreciation for wisdoms you’ve gained since.

When I was younger, like many my age (early teens), my spelling and grammar showed a great deal of ignorance. (Not that my grammar has improved much.) I remember the joys of sharing my writings, poems, articles and rants with any and all who would listen. In general feedback has always been positive. Occasionally,  it would be harsh but constructive. Very rarely, too rare to recall specific incidents, it would be down right cruel.

Perhaps like myself, my supportive readers, when in school (K-12) you would pass notes/letters to & from various friends. Ever gone back years later and reread such interactions?  Not only does the subject matter surprise you but, sometimes your tone, attitude, and reasoning will as well. Maybe for the good; perhaps for the worst.

I bring this up to say, I have definitely noticed an improvement in myself over the years but man am I not surprised some friendships went south fast. I never marked myself as rude, insensitive, blunt, or as so often phrased, “Known for telling it like it is.” But apparently that has been one aspect of my personality all my life has stuck no matter how I’ve tried to  eradicate it.

I don’t know if I regret saying many of the things I’ve said but, rather the people I’ve said it too or the tone in which it was conveyed. I’d like to think I’ve gotten better at my manner of speech but I think the large difference between now and in the past is the number of people I willingly interact with.

The lesson: keep the old ramblings they are very insightful but, only if you learn from them. Also, if given enough time you can really see the person you are being molded. The good, the bad, the ugly and yes, the effort I mentioned in an earlier post. Because for me. I’m sure I’ve hurt others just as much as I’ve been hurt doubtless unintentionally so. But the effort to grow into the person I’ve become let alone the person I look forward to becoming, requires me to acknowledge who I was, who I am, and who I want to be.

O do I have such a long ways to go.

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Concerned So

Its late
After 2:30am to be more clear
I have to go to the bathroom but fear any sudden moves will disturb you
It wasn’t difficult getting you to fall asleep it’s just knowing your thoughts I wouldn’t want to arouse in you a state of panic

The childlike innocence with which you cling to your new book I gave you I adore
I love children at this age
So curious about life
So eager to learn

How is one so little able to love so hard and miss you so deeply even when you’re just in the next room?
You’d give them the world if you could
Do anything to prevent them ever being in pain
They foster such a fierce desire to protect

They cling; you worry
Who will break their hearts?
Will they do well in school?
Will they grow up to be good people?
So many worries and concerns cross your mind

You love them how could these things not?

Copyrighted ♡April 7, 2014 Davonna T

Effort A Must

It’s late
And I’ll be honest, I forgot about today
I thought I had wrote my say and put it out there for the world to analyze
Instead I’m here having realized the truth, which sucks

You see, I have no plans for today
Only a self-imposed obligation to write
So, I’m writing as I think which is dangerous
As much as this task can be taxing, I’m enjoying the effort it takes
You see, when I was a child I wrote without effort
It was as if my very lungs, my essence, my being knew not only what to say but how to say it with the most powerful effect possible

I’ve lost a great deal of that
Which is upsetting but, it makes greatness when achieved all the more sublime
Anything worth doing, worth having, worth achieving requires effort

And so that’s what I’ll give

Copyrighted April 3, 2014 Davonna T.