I love old journals. In them is a treasure trove of the past, a hindsight you lust after, an appreciation for wisdom you’ve gained since.
When I was younger, like many my age (early teens), my spelling and grammar showed a great deal of ignorance. (Not that my grammar has improved much.) I remember the joys of sharing my writings, poems, articles and rants with any and all who would listen. In general feedback has always been positive. Occasionally, it would be harsh but constructive. Very rarely, too rare to recall specific incidents, it would be down right cruel.
Perhaps like myself, my supportive readers, when in school (K-12) you would pass notes/letters to & from various friends. Ever gone back years later and reread such interactions? Not only does the subject surprise you but, sometimes your tone, attitude, and reasoning will as well. Maybe for the good; perhaps for the worst.
I bring this up to say, I have definitely noticed an improvement in myself over the years but man am I not surprised some friendships went south fast. I never marked myself as rude, insensitive, blunt, or as so often phrased, “Known for telling it like it is.” But apparently that has been one aspect of my personality all my life has stuck no matter how I’ve tried to eradicate it.
I don’t know if I regret saying many of the things I’ve said but, rather the people I’ve said it too or the tone in which it’s been conveyed. I’d like to think I’ve gotten better at my manner of speech but I think the large difference between now and in the past is the number of people I willingly interact with.
The lesson: keep the old ramblings they are very insightful but, only if you learn from them. Also, if given enough time you can really see the person you are being molded. The good, the bad, the ugly and yes, the effort I mentioned in an earlier post. Because for me. I’m sure I’ve hurt others just as much as I’ve been hurt doubtless unintentionally so. But the effort to grow into the person I’ve become let alone the person I look forward to becoming, requires me to acknowledge who I was, who I am, and who I want to be.
O do I have such a long ways to go.